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Today
I find it encouraging to know that our Lord is the same Lord in
times of despair as He is in times of blessing. His love endures
forever. He is the only One who is always the same; we are the ones
that change. It's easy for us to rely on Him in times of despair
because in our minds that's when we need Him the most. What's hard
is for people to feel that need when things are well. The God of
the mountain is the God of the valley, our unwavering Rock, in whom
we can put all our trust and all our weakness.
That's
what makes me happy today, knowing that I don't have to always be
the one with the answer. As a matter of fact.the more my relationship
grows with Christ, the more and more I find out that He is the one
with all the answers and all I have to do is to be obedient and
listen, then follow His footsteps down the paths He would have me
to go. And with that I have peace, true peace.
The
hole that always needed filling is full. Sex, drugs and rock n'
roll, everything that made me feel good for a short while always
left me needing more. For a long time I thought maybe it was a woman,
but it wasn't. I thought that whatever I did was never enough and
that was everything I did. There was never anything that made me
feel fulfilled or complete in all my doings. Whatever I did I felt
like I never belonged. I was lost in more ways than I knew. Then
one day at the end by my own means, I fell on my knees in the Hebron
Chapel and asked the Lord to help me not to be the person I had
become. I didn't want to live; I had tried to commit suicide. I
truly was a broken spirit and a broken soul that in my mind was
not worth saving. The Lord told me I was selfish; I didn't understand.
I said, "That's not what I'm talking about Lord; I don't want to
be the way I am any longer." He said, "You are selfish." Then distraught,
I did not know what to say. So, I said, "OK Lord, if you take this
from me, then I'll live my life for you." There was silence, then
peace. an eternal weight had been lifted from me that has forever
changed my life here on this earth and throughout eternity.
Now
looking back, even at the most important time of my life, I see
how selfish I was.even at the time of my salvation I was trying
to get something in return for something from my Lord. "You have
been saved by grace through faith, and that not of yourselves; it
is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast." (Eph.
2:8,9). You see, all those years of beating my head against the
wall trying to do it myself, everything myself and failing, all
I had to do was trust in the Lord. I had to surrender in order to
have victory. Jesus says, "Come to Me, all you who labor and are
heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and
learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will
find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."
(Matt. 11:28-30).
God
granted my request that night. I am forever and divinely changed
through the blood of Jesus Christ, a debt that I can only honor
by my service to Him all my days I have left on this earth in whatever
capacity He deems necessary. Today my worst day in the Lord is better
than my best day ever without Him.
Eugene
L. Dooley
Hebron
Colony Ministries - Food Service Director
Graduated 1/29/05
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I knew God was at work the day that I arrived at Grace Home. Truthfully, I was scared and angry. I thought about how long the road was to get back to the highway and how the high heels that I was wearing would hold up in all of those mud puddles we drove over. I didn’t like the rules and regulations that were explained to me. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. Behind the scenes, however, God was already working on my heart. I knew that nothing awaited me if I returned.
I had to move out of my apartment for financial reasons and had jeopardized my job due to all the days I had taken off when I was so hung over. Even my psychiatrist and therapist had dropped me because my suicide attempts put me in a high “at risk” category. I was desperate for a change and would fully realize later how blessed I was to be pointed in the direction of Hebron/Grace Home in the middle of nowhere - Santee, SC. I remember the work that we did while we were there, all of the early mornings and having our Bible studies. But more than that, I had time alone with Him. I learned what it meant to listen to Him, to be still and quiet and tune out all the noise of the outside world and wait on what He had to say about me. He told me that I was beautiful and His masterpiece. I had considered myself broken and rejected. He told me I was unconditionally loved and accepted. I had never felt able to measure up to anyone’s standards. He gave me back my life during my time at Grace Home. My companionship with the ladies there was an added bonus, but the true gift was understanding what it meant to have a very real and personal relationship with my heavenly Father.
I graduated March of 2008 and stayed on as a senior student for a short while afterwards and I am now thrilled to say that He is the person I turn to for my answers, not myself or others any longer. I have been off of all prescription medications, including antidepressants or mood stabilizers since November of 2007, and no longer feel the need to abuse alcohol or any other form of substance to drown out the pain in my life. I am so thankful to be able to present my worries or troubles to the One that I know will always be there to care for me. I now know what it’s like to have joy back in my life.
Amber Adams
Graduated 3/8/08
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